How Many Distinct Versions of Yourself Exist?
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Chapter 1: The Writer Within
As a child, I dreamed of becoming a writer. Unfortunately, various factors held me back until I finally authored my first book at the age of sixty. In a sense, I either resurrected that little girl or realized she had never truly left me.
Upon reflection, I believe the latter is accurate. Despite the numerous roles I embraced as an adult—wife, employee, neighbor, and friend—I remained that little girl who yearned to write. The passionate feelings I had while gripping that blue pen in sixth grade stayed with me, filling countless pages with my stories. The joy I experienced in creative writing class lay dormant within me, vibrant and ready to emerge once more.
However, life required me to adopt various personas to conform to societal expectations. This led to a confusing blend of what others expected from me and what I desired for myself. I felt fragmented, as if I were an apple, with each piece loosely connected to form a whole. Yet, being a collection of fragments felt wrong, as every piece relied on the next.
It took me many years to recognize that something was amiss. Gradually, I began shedding those fragments and returned to my original self.
Chapter 2: The Nature of Personal Development
Now I understand that personal development exists, but it often implies an assumption—that change is inherently beneficial and that we should aspire to become newer, improved versions of ourselves.
This leads me to question: who determines what “better” really means? Is it merely about keeping pace with others, or is it about embracing our authentic selves? After all the experiences I’ve had, I have come full circle back to that little girl who cherished writing. I didn’t need to ‘discover’ myself; I simply needed to reclaim the essence of who I was.
I didn’t require anyone else to instruct me on how to be myself; all I needed to do was listen to the true me I had overlooked for so long. I no longer inhabit the roles of those disparate pieces; I once again exist as a unified whole. Because of this wholeness, I can’t lose any part of myself—I am now one.
Does that resonate with you?
I believe personal growth often implies adding or removing pieces from our identity. But consider whether you wish to remain a collection of fragments or strive to embody a complete and unified self. My life has resembled a meandering journey, often leading me into dark places. However, after steadfastly searching for my way, I rediscovered my true self.
So, what was the purpose of wandering for all those years, feeling lost and overwhelmed? I now realize that it was to awaken to the truth that I was always whole from the very beginning.