Chapter 1: Finding My True Self

For nearly three decades, I was never labeled as someone who harbored animosity towards men. In fact, during my days as a 'pick-me' girl, I probably had a bit too much affection for them. However, since I began penning articles centered on women's empowerment, I find myself facing such accusations weekly.

To clarify, I genuinely do not harbor hatred for men. Some of the most cherished individuals in my life are men, including:

• My father, who not only shared practical skills like spackling sheetrock and cooking but also stood as a supportive partner and loving parent through thick and thin.
• My best friend since I was 14, whose humor and kindness bring joy to my life, and who makes the effort to visit me despite the distance.
• My partner, who possesses emotional intelligence, humor, and a genuine understanding of me, embracing my flaws and past experiences.
• Icons like Keanu Reeves, Fred Rogers, and Jack Black, who embody kindness and brilliance.

What connects these remarkable men? Two key points: they have never asked me to compromise my own identity for their sake, and they have gained my admiration through their exemplary character.

From a Buddhist perspective, I believe in the inherent worth of all individuals, yet the realist in me acknowledges that respect must be earned.

This principle applies universally—regardless of gender, whether familiar or unfamiliar, and even to public figures we may never meet. While our humanity is a given, the nature of relationships often requires us to earn mutual respect.

Ultimately, I value those who are empathetic, vulnerable, and humble, while I find it challenging to connect with individuals who exhibit entitlement and close-mindedness. Unfortunately, privilege often nurtures such negative traits.

A 2020 study highlights that privileged individuals tend to display heightened entitlement and diminished empathy, often leading to unwarranted overconfidence in areas where they lack knowledge. Historically, affluent white males have epitomized this form of privilege, which explains why many of them label me as a man-hater.

This narrative began to emerge when I reclaimed my voice after overcoming a dissociative disorder and decided to prioritize my dignity and identity over others' comfort.

The reaction was not limited to online interactions; even acquaintances in my life displayed frustration over my newfound confidence, disregarding my boundaries and attempting to belittle me. Some went so far as to retaliate against me for advocating against unethical practices in the workplace.

Why does this reaction occur among certain men? The answer lies in a psychological phenomenon known as loss aversion; the moment someone enjoys a positive experience, they often become anxious about losing it. In this context, some men may fear losing their privilege to empowered women.

Social scientist Baird Brightman's insightful words resonate here: "EQUALITY! That is what ‘feminism’ and every other liberation movement is about. But when a person is used to privilege, every attempt at equality feels like an attack. And hence the blowback."

This understanding is crucial. If we view privilege as a finite resource, those accustomed to it may resist sharing or competing for it, especially if their advantages stem from their gender or race.

As capable women assert their worth, less qualified men might feel sidelined. When empowered women seek better treatment, indifferent men can no longer contribute merely the bare minimum to relationships. If resilient women confront their traumas, avoidant men must either confront their own issues or risk appearing emotionally disconnected.

Men who have long enjoyed privilege will have to struggle to establish their worthiness of respect—a challenge women have faced for centuries.

So, to clarify once again: I do not despise men; I appreciate individuals who strive for personal growth, regardless of their circumstances or identities.

I am currently in the process of publishing my memoir. For more information, visit www.mariacassano.com/numb.

Section 1.1: The Importance of Self-Worth

The journey of self-discovery is vital for anyone seeking to reclaim their identity and self-worth. This process is often accompanied by challenges, particularly in navigating relationships.

Chapter 2: Embracing Change

In this insightful video, "Repairing Self-Abandonment: People Pleasing, Anxious Attachment, and Developing Self-Worth," we explore the intricate links between self-worth and interpersonal dynamics, shedding light on how to navigate personal growth without losing oneself.

The lyric video "Mitchell Tenpenny - She Hates Me Too" explores themes of misunderstanding in relationships, providing a musical backdrop to the complexities of emotional connections.