Chapter 1: Understanding PMS and Its Impact on Dating

When you're nearing the end of your menstrual cycle, it might be wise to take a break from dating apps and the dating scene. Allow me to explain.

This insight can also benefit those without ovaries, offering a glimpse into the emotional landscape of someone influenced by hormonal changes.

Recently, I went out with a woman I had been messaging for a couple of weeks—a significant duration in the realm of online dating. We enjoyed tea, attended a comedy show, and generally had a delightful time. We even concluded our evening with a tentative plan for a second date. However, I recognize that many people say, “Let’s do this again sometime,” simply to sidestep the discomfort of admitting a lack of chemistry.

Still, I held onto hope. Although we haven't set a firm date yet, we've been in touch—kind of. I tend to be proactive when I feel a strong connection, reaching out to keep the conversation flowing, even resorting to old-fashioned phone calls.

In contrast, her communication style is more reserved. She sends a few messages but doesn’t engage deeply, maintaining just enough interaction to keep things afloat. While she doesn’t respond with one-word answers or clear signs of disinterest, it's evident we communicate differently.

Given that we've only been out once, it's reasonable to avoid imposing my expectations on her. We are still navigating this new connection.

However, since our date, I’ve found myself feeling unusually emotional—daydreaming, planning, and hoping. I can't help but wonder: What if she’s not interested? Why does it seem like I’m the only one pursuing this? What’s wrong with me that she isn’t as invested as I am?

In the midst of this emotional whirlwind, I realized: I might be experiencing PMS.

How did I come to this conclusion? My feelings felt exaggerated, and my self-esteem seemed vulnerable, despite having previously healed. This isn't my usual emotional state.

As many with ovaries can attest, each month can bring a tumultuous hormonal journey. If you're not attuned to your body, distinguishing between reality and heightened emotions can be challenging. Thankfully, I've engaged in enough self-reflection to recognize when I'm feeling "off."

I decided to take a step back. My self-worth isn't contingent upon this woman. I maintain high standards and am merely exploring the dating landscape, seeking my ideal match. Building a connection takes time, and if she reveals her true self early on, it saves me from investing further in a mismatched relationship. Patience is key.

There’s more to unpack, but it was beneficial to step back and remind myself that I am not merely my thoughts.

So, what’s the key takeaway? Just because things aren’t unfolding as I envisioned with this individual doesn’t diminish my value. I don’t need to feel defeated or disheartened because my fantasies aren’t materializing; this is simply another attempt at finding the right person.

I don’t have to return to swiping aimlessly to fill the void of dopamine that my hormones are currently depleting. There are various ways to engage in self-care without resorting to dating apps. I also don't have to feel downcast due to my current emotional state, which will likely stabilize in a week or two when I return to my usual self.

I’m not advocating for any specific approach here, but I do suggest that pursuing new connections might not be wise when you’re caught up in the hormonal rollercoaster of PMS. Your hormones can influence your decisions more than you might realize.

So, when you feel overwhelmed because someone isn’t responding as you wish, or you’re upset about the pace of things after a first date, it might be time to turn your focus inward and nurture your own needs.

Your hormones can play tricks on you. You don’t have to compulsively swipe to appease their whims. Everything you need to feel better is already within you. Perhaps it’s best to set your phone aside until you regain your emotional balance.

Sending lots of love.