# Reflecting on Sobriety: Embracing Aha Moments for Growth
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Chapter 1: The Power of Reflection
Reflecting on our past decisions can be enlightening, especially when it comes to our drinking habits. It’s crucial to acknowledge where we faltered, as this awareness can guide us toward better choices for ourselves and others.
Those enlightening "Aha" moments can emerge unexpectedly. Have you ever revisited an old journal to assess your progress compared to your current state? If you haven’t, now might be a great time to do so—it can be truly revealing.
Last night, I felt compelled to read an entry from the six months leading up to my decision to quit drinking for good. During this period, I attempted to stop drinking, convinced that I would succeed. I had read several insightful books like "This Naked Mind," "Stop Drinking Now," and "Kick the Drink…Easily." With newfound confidence, I decided to take a ten-day retreat alone in Marin County, California, while my husband stayed back in another state.
During this retreat, I typically do not stock alcohol, but I often purchase wine to celebrate my solitude and engage in some self-care. While I usually enjoy a glass or two of Chardonnay in the evenings, this time, I made a vow: not a drop would touch my lips. I bolstered my determination by immersing myself in sober blogs and journaling my thoughts.
However, my resolve wavered when a thought flickered in my mind—I found myself yearning for a cocktail upon my return home. I questioned the origin of this desire.
From my journal:
"I’m really grappling with this urge for a cocktail when I get back. It’s foolish. I’ll be nine days alcohol-free by Tuesday, and I leave Wednesday. It's as if I’m subconsciously trying to convince myself to have a drink—anticipating what it will be like."
Perhaps I should visualize the joy of sobriety instead—imagining how great I would feel both that night and the following morning, refreshed and proud. What a revolutionary idea!
Back at home
Predictably, I succumbed to temptation the night I returned. Yes, I mixed a cocktail while reconnecting with my husband, and then another followed. We had a shared ritual of enjoying drinks together in the evenings, which was precisely why I decided to experiment with sobriety while away.
What I came to realize was that my commitment to sobriety was not fully established. I hadn’t redefined my self-image to that of a non-drinker. I merely aimed to modify my behavior without altering how I viewed myself—I still identified as a drinker.
Although I wished to abstain, I hadn’t resolved to eliminate alcohol from my life entirely. Additionally, I wondered if it was possible to enjoy our time together without drinking.
I discovered that it was indeed possible. And I embraced that freedom.
Chapter 2: Understanding Freedom in Sobriety
I realized that my desire to quit stemmed from the belief that I was consuming too much alcohol, putting my aspirations on hold until I achieved sobriety. What I failed to grasp was that the decision to be alcohol-free was a conscious choice—one that encompassed all my reasons for quitting.
This choice needed to originate from a place of autonomy and liberation: liberation from the grip of alcohol, from feelings of regret and shame, and from fears regarding my health and relationships, even as my husband continued to drink.
I revisited the three books I had previously read, allowing their messages to resonate within me until they became ingrained in my subconscious. My conscious mind had already resolved to be free from alcohol; now, my subconscious joined the effort.
I had to make a firm commitment—one that was unwavering—to being a non-drinker. With this newfound clarity, I was prepared to embrace that commitment fully.
Six months after my initial unsuccessful attempt, I dedicated myself entirely to sobriety. I have now been alcohol-free for four years, and I am confident that I will never drink again. That’s what true commitment looks like.