Understanding the Trauma of Independence

The tendency to say "I don’t need anyone; I can handle everything myself" is often a defense mechanism rooted in past experiences. This mindset can develop as a means to protect oneself from the pain of past abuses, neglect, and betrayals from those who were supposed to provide support but ultimately failed to do so.

For instance, consider the absence of a parent who chose to abandon you, or another who was perpetually away, working tirelessly to provide for the family. Reflect on the relationships where physical intimacy was present, but emotional safety was lacking. This pattern extends to friendships and family dynamics, where the scales of giving and receiving were heavily tipped in favor of taking.

You may have faced numerous situations where promises of togetherness and support turned out to be hollow, leaving you to pick up the pieces alone when the going got tough. Such experiences fostered a deep-seated belief that trust in others is misplaced. You learned to rely solely on yourself as a means of avoiding disappointment, operating under the notion that if you never depend on anyone, you won't be let down—because, inevitably, they will disappoint you.

This mindset may even be a lesson passed down through generations of ancestors who also experienced pain and betrayal. Thus, extreme independence becomes a preemptive measure against future heartbreak. In this protective shell, you find it difficult not only to trust others but also to trust your own judgment in choosing the right people.

To trust someone means to be vulnerable, and the vow of "never again" becomes a mantra. However, behind this facade of independence lies a wounded heart, shielded by an impenetrable wall. This wall protects you from hurt, but it also prevents love from entering.

Fortresses and armor are suited for battles, or for those who anticipate conflict. This extreme independence is, at its core, a reaction to trauma.

The encouraging news is that acknowledging trauma is the first step toward healing. You deserve support in your life. You are deserving of genuine partnership and love. Your heart is worthy of being cherished and held safely. You should have someone in your life who can say, "You rest. I've got this," and genuinely follow through.

You are worthy of receiving love and support, not because you have to earn it, prove it, bargain for it, or plead for it. Your worth is inherent; it exists simply because you do.

— Sauce Talk.

Section 1.1 The Impact of Trauma on Relationships

Trauma can significantly alter the way we interact with others, often leading to a reluctance to trust. The effects of this can be seen in various types of relationships, including familial, platonic, and romantic connections.

Subsection 1.1.1 Recognizing the Patterns of Distrust

Chapter 2 The Journey to Healing

The first video titled "Why Traumatized People Struggle With Friendships (and How You Can Heal)" delves into the challenges faced by individuals who have experienced trauma in forming connections with others, while also providing insights on healing.

The second video, "The TRAUMATIC RESPONSE | What Trauma Does To Us | Debunking DID: Ep14 Neuroscience & Psych," explores the neuroscience behind trauma responses and their impact on individuals, offering a comprehensive understanding of the subject.