Chapter 1: The Importance of Self-Care

During my journey as a new mother, I found myself overwhelmed and anxious. My racing thoughts impacted every aspect of my life—my relationships, my job, my family's happiness, and most crucially, my own mental health.

In those early days, I frequented numerous mommy blogs, all echoing a similar sentiment: prioritize your own well-being to better care for your family. However, there’s a significant flaw in this narrative. Who is advocating for mothers’ self-care for their own sake?

Exactly—no one. Not even the mothers themselves.

The prevailing message suggests that mothers should focus on self-care solely to enhance their parenting. But why must that be the only reason?

This issue extends beyond motherhood; many wellness articles promote the idea that self-care should be a means to an end—be it increased productivity, improved earnings, or better relationships. But what if the primary motivation for self-care was simply your own value?

You deserve care and attention simply because you exist. It’s unnecessary to frame your self-care as something that must yield benefits for others.

Even though I understand this concept, I often find myself rationalizing my choices. For instance, when I take 20 minutes to meditate, I tell myself it’s to be calmer when my child arrives home. Why can’t I just say that taking those 20 minutes improves my own well-being? That should be sufficient justification.

When you genuinely begin to prioritize your own care, changes will occur. Unfortunately, many people resist change. They appreciate you as you are because it fulfills their needs.

Your boss may get frustrated if you miss work more often, or your children might try to manipulate you into prioritizing them. They may whine and plead for your attention. But remember:

You deserve love and care just as much as they do.

Here’s the insight: if you remain committed to self-care, they might adapt. Or perhaps you’ll discover that your job isn’t serving your needs. Your kids might learn a valuable lesson about boundaries. However, that’s beside the point.

The focus should be on enhancing your life right now—not for your kids or your boss, but for you. What small steps can you take today to experience a bit more joy in your life?

Could prioritizing your self-care mean a slightly untidy home? Or maybe it will irritate your boss because you choose not to respond to work emails on a Sunday morning? That’s perfectly fine.

You are worth it.

Seek out what brings you happiness, even if only for a fleeting moment. Engage in activities simply because they bring you joy, not for any external validation. Whether it's indulging in the latest reality show or simply sitting quietly, allow yourself the freedom to do what you want.

You don’t need to achieve perfection or reach enlightenment. Just occasionally do what you genuinely wish to do, and observe how it transforms you.

Please excuse any errors in my writing, as I often compose these thoughts late at night with a small dog in my lap. These reflections are solely my own. I do not represent any organization in this writing. For more insights, check out my books, Culture of Caring: Healing and Helping in Traumatizing Times, and Anna, Age Eight: The Data-Driven Prevention of Childhood Trauma and Maltreatment. Interested in life coaching services? Reach out at [email protected].

Section 1.1: Understanding Self-Care

Self-care is often misunderstood, but at its core, it’s about you.

The first video below explores the essence of self-care and its significance in our lives.

Chapter 2: Taking Action for Yourself