Chapter 1: An Unlikely Match

Last week, I found myself indulging in absinthe while engaging in a lively game of Scrabble against the shade of James Joyce.

Walter Bowne: Oh, James Joyce! This is incredible! I’ve always dreamed of challenging you to a game. I’m decent at it, and I admire your work immensely! I must admit, there's a bit of a man crush here! I've got absinthe, sugar, and water—bringing back the classic green fairy!

James Joyce: I'll start. You've drawn Omega or Zed. I’m alpha here with A. That’s a queen—28 points.

Bowne: Good move! Double score! I’m... well, I’m at a loss for words. Just be.

Joyce: Aim for more than just being—like a grand total of four points. Or, as Ibsen would say, “Fire poeng.”

Bowne: Right. Are you drinking during our game?

Joyce: Never! I’ll add cuck to queen—Cuckqueen. Or is it spelled with an A? Quean? Or even Cockqueen? The latter lacks the aesthetic without the A. No—like cuckold! Or cuckyoung? Cuckjung? Cockhold! Oh, that’s a gem!

Bowne: I’ve never heard of Cuckqueen!

Joyce: So you’ve memorized the dictionary! Look it up! Some of these terms I coined, and now they’ve made it into the dictionary—like Shakespeare’s eyeball and bedroom.

Bowne: What’s the meaning?

Joyce: Exactly what I choose it to mean. It describes a woman whose husband has strayed. Now, queen could be with an A or an E. Do you want to debate that?

Bowne: No, I got the double R score—so I’m at four points.

Joyce: This one’s splendid—prepuces! I gain an extra 50 points for using all seven letters. So, 20 plus 50, which totals 127 points for me, while your score is...? 13.

Bowne: Alright—S-I-N-E—for eight points.

Joyce: I didn’t peg you as the mathematical type! Here’s one from Ulysses—finical—for 24 points. Alas, just another way to say finicky. That word didn’t seem right to me. It’s all about the sound, don’t you think?

Bowne: No, I don’t think! I recall your hero’s escapades, but not finical. Fine, I’ll go with—