Chapter 1: The Desire for Validation

Many of us seek approval from others, believing that their admiration can enhance our self-worth. The more individuals who appreciate us, the more justified we feel in our self-image. If I am liked by my entire school, it seems reasonable to view myself positively, as the consensus supports this notion.

But is there truly anything wrong with wanting to be admired? After all, the more support, the better, right? However, constantly monitoring the views of numerous individuals can be draining and unfeasible. This fixation often leads to placing our own needs at the bottom of the priority list. The opinions of others end up holding more weight than our own, preventing us from appreciating our true selves and accomplishments.

At some point, the energy required to keep up this facade becomes too much to bear. Thus, we face a choice: continue to exhaust ourselves or redirect our focus toward those who truly matter in our lives.

Balancing this dynamic is essential. You don't want to take on the impossible challenge of maintaining a flawless reputation among an endless crowd. Yet, secluding yourself in a bubble of self-importance can also be perilous. It's reminiscent of being immersed in a fervent online community—such unchecked confidence can lead to dangerous consequences.

Despite previous assertions in my articles, such as “What Chairmen Mao Taught Me About Self-Love,” I genuinely believe that we should be open to constructive criticism. And to clarify, I do not endorse communism; I simply aim to dispel any misconceptions. In that article, I argued that one should love themselves as fiercely as a dictator adores their image. Dictators are notorious for controlling the narrative around their reputation, and I suggest you do the same.

Nonetheless, this approach risks devolving into what historians refer to as a “circle jerk.” If this occurs, it becomes crucial to recognize a significant oversight: the validity of others’ critiques. What if their criticism is warranted?

Ignoring these perspectives and insisting on your perfection can lead to harmful behaviors. This denial can alienate those you care about, ultimately leading to self-destruction.

We often engage in this self-deception. Why? Perhaps we fear change, or more profoundly, we resist relinquishing our own naivety. The discomfort of realizing we might not be as admirable as we once believed can be daunting. The truth is, everyone possesses the potential to cause harm; they may just be unaware of it.

The encouraging aspect is that transformation is always within reach. Recognizing this is the first step. As you evolve, the sting of others' negativity will diminish. It's akin to someone attempting to burglarize a home you no longer inhabit—what does it matter? “You don’t even live there anymore” (Anonymous).

At this juncture, the pursuit of external validation becomes irrelevant. You discover a far more valuable asset: the truth. Once you have assessed your own worth, you no longer need others' evaluations. As Augustus Hippo wisely stated:

“Truth is like a Lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.”

Chapter 2: The Danger of Echo Chambers

In the video You'll Never Win This Game, the discussion revolves around the futility of seeking validation and the importance of self-acceptance. It emphasizes that true worth comes from within rather than from the opinions of others.

The second video, A Game You Can Never Win, reinforces the idea that the quest for approval is often a losing battle and highlights the necessity of embracing one's own identity.