Chapter 1: A Journey of Self-Discovery

In a recent post, I shared how my long-term relationship ended abruptly during a manic episode. The aftermath has been challenging, and nearly two years later, I’m still grappling with the consequences on my mental well-being.

I've explored a variety of dating platforms—Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, and even newer ones like Boo—hoping to find a lasting connection. Throughout this period, I’ve downloaded and deleted these apps multiple times, leading to some valuable insights. Initially, I sought companionship, yet I often found myself dismissing potential matches. The dating landscape has been a mixed bag, with conversations ranging from intriguing to utterly bizarre.

My conclusion? Dating apps, as a whole, leave much to be desired. In the moment of deleting them, I feel a sense of relief, only to find myself reinstalling them weeks later.

High Standards: A Double-Edged Sword

After nearly two years of swiping and chatting, I’ve come to realize something crucial: my standards for potential partners are quite elevated. While this isn’t inherently negative, I’ve occasionally overlooked red and yellow flags, driven by a desire for optimism. I genuinely hoped that those I matched with would be worthy of my time.

However, many of those yellow flags quickly morphed into red ones. I began to feel disillusioned with the offerings on these apps. Even when I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, real-life encounters often left me regretting my choices. I’ve had experiences where individuals contradicted their profiles entirely. One instance stands out: I met someone who, despite knowing I don’t drink, was solely interested in visiting bars.

Consequently, I raised my standards and became more discerning, but this led to a paradox—I stopped meeting new people altogether.

Am I Ready to Date Again?

This realization might seem obvious, but I’ve come to understand that I’m not prepared to dive back into dating. After a six-year relationship, the transition back into the dating scene has been tougher than anticipated. I often find myself comparing new encounters to my ex, which is neither fair nor healthy.

There are lingering emotional ties to my past relationship, and the idea of connecting with someone new—both emotionally and physically—feels overwhelming. I’m beginning to acknowledge my fears of vulnerability and rejection.

Having let someone into my life for years only to have it end poorly has created a barrier. I struggle with the notion that someone could accept me as I am, and the fear of inadequacy looms large. It’s essential for me to confront these feelings before I venture into new relationships, as I recognize that they could hinder my growth.

A Final Farewell to Dating Apps

If I shared these thoughts with friends, they’d likely question why I continue to use dating apps if I’m not genuinely open to dating. Why pursue connections when I’m not ready to let anyone in? It’s time to embrace logic and step away from the apps.

Instead, I want to channel my energy into personal growth and addressing my insecurities. Rather than resorting to dating apps during lonely moments, I’ll focus on becoming the person I aspire to be.

This coming year will be about self-discovery and empowerment, not about seeking out new relationships before I’m truly ready.

Video Insights on Dating Apps

The first video, "Dating Apps Kinda Suck..." offers a candid exploration of the challenges faced by those navigating the world of online dating.

The second video, "Why Dating Apps Kinda SUCK," delves into the common frustrations users experience when trying to find genuine connections through apps.