Chapter 1: The Paradox of Solitude

As Epictetus once said, one can find peace in solitude just as easily as one can feel isolated in a bustling crowd.

In a world filled with people, it can be incredibly disheartening to feel utterly alone. I often find myself in this predicament—a wallflower, an observer, a great listener, yet rarely a participant in the lives of others. This sense of isolation can occur anywhere: at home, out with friends, or even in public spaces.

If you're reading this, you might resonate with these feelings for a variety of reasons. The ongoing pandemic has likely intensified this loneliness, especially if you're a parent. Keeping your children safe often means staying home, which can lead to a lack of adult interaction. Ah, the joys of our "new normal."

The collective burnout we all experience doesn't help either. Every article seems to echo the same sentiment: we're all exhausted. I can admit that I was feeling burnt out long before the pandemic hit. After relocating to a rural area post-childbirth, I found myself in a place where I knew almost no one. Making friends as an adult proved to be a challenge, especially while juggling the demands of parenting. Leaving behind a vibrant social life in Nashville for the quiet of the mountains was a bold move—what was I thinking?

I've often blamed my loneliness on my circumstances: "No friends, what's wrong with me?" Balancing four children and the pandemic left little room for socializing, and my anxiety made it even more challenging to connect with others. Who truly has the time?

Eventually, I recognized that my situation was more complex. I am a mother of many, dealing with anxiety and depression, and I've started to accept that it's okay to feel alone. You might think this perspective is strange, or perhaps you suspect I'm merely indulging in self-pity.

But trust me, I’m not. I hope you’re reading this because you can relate, and I want to share why it's perfectly okay to feel this way and how it can lead to personal growth.

Loneliness can actually be a catalyst for self-discovery.

What if, instead of reaching for distractions like TikTok, you took this time to explore what you genuinely desire? What if you stopped questioning your worth and instead focused on personal growth?

Imagine transforming feelings of inadequacy into a chance to engage in what brings you joy—reading, creating art, watching inspiring films, or simply enjoying the freedom to be yourself. What if this solitude is a gift from the Universe, urging you to slow down, create, and explore?

What if loneliness is precisely what you need right now?

Is this resonating with you?

Initially, I began writing this piece to discuss the importance of friendship, but then I stumbled upon the wisdom of Brianna Weist. Her insights always comfort me in moments like these.

“Loneliness isn’t the physical absence of other people — it’s the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else.” — Johann Hari (From the book, Lost Connections.)

While the pandemic lifestyle and the challenges of parenting can amplify feelings of monotony and isolation, we can shift our mindset to embrace these moments of solitude.

Section 1.1: The Upsides of Loneliness

Loneliness can lead to numerous benefits:

• Fostering empathy
• Building resilience and patience
• Cultivating self-compassion
• Prioritizing creativity
• Learning new skills
• Pursuing passions
• Trying out new hobbies
• Becoming a better person
• Writing, creating, and sharing your experiences
• Volunteering or joining community groups

By reframing your loneliness as an opportunity for positive growth, you can transform this phase of your life into a journey of self-exploration.

Subsection 1.1.1: A Shift in Perspective

Ultimately, through learning, creating, and sharing, you can foster a sense of belonging. Human beings are wired for connection, and by embracing your loneliness, you can pave the way for meaningful relationships in the future.

Let me leave you with this thought: there's only a single letter difference between "lovely" and "lonely."

For another perspective on loneliness, check out this insightful article by my mentor Ayodeji: How to be Alone — The Subtle Art of Learning to Love Yourself.

Chapter 2: Insights from Others

The first video, Why Ugly People Deserve to Be Lonely (w/ JaidenAnimations), delves into the complexities of loneliness and societal perceptions. It challenges the stigma surrounding loneliness and offers a humorous yet poignant exploration of the topic.

The second video, “Men Deserve To Be Lonely!” Responding To Backlash Over 'The Male Loneliness Epidemic', provides an in-depth discussion on the increasing feelings of isolation among men and the societal factors contributing to this phenomenon.